


don't need a new life, just a better place to die

by zeroescape



Category: THE iDOLM@STER
Genre: F/F, it's just emo syuko
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-29
Updated: 2019-08-29
Packaged: 2020-09-29 11:04:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20434952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zeroescape/pseuds/zeroescape
Summary: no one knows better than syuko that life is frankly kind of stupid.





	don't need a new life, just a better place to die

**Author's Note:**

> bangin' this one out after a walk outside at night, trying to fight off thoughts i didn't want. vent fic so i'm not proofreading or anything. stream of consciousness babey

When the producer stepped into the practice room, the girls of Lipps had already finished their dance lessons for the day. They always stuck around for a bit afterwards, panting and wiping off their sweat, but still chatting because despite spending so much time together it never felt quite right to leave immediately after business was done for the day.

"Alright guys, we just got an offer to use mall space for a handshake event two days from now. Sorry it's so last minute, but this is another opportunity to sell the new album."  
"Can't," said Syuko coolly, almost sounding bored.

"You can't?"

"Yup."

"Why not?"

"Donatin' my eggs."

...

...

...  


"I'm sorry, what?"  


"Donatin' my eggs."  


Shiki and Frederica snickered from a corner of the room.  


The producer closed their eyes and pinched the bridge of their nose.  


"You're donating your eggs."  


"How many times I gotta say it?"  


"Actually," spoke up Shiki, "doesn't that take, like, months of planning and meds in advance? You weren't just planning on walking in there and getting your eggs sucked outta you, were you? Or have you already started?"  


Syuko shrugged. "Alright, I'm not actually donating them _yet_. But this is my second meeting with the docs."  


"Okay, no." The producer crossed their arms. "Absolutely not. I don't need you risking your health more than you already do. You come to the event on Sunday, or else you'll have to make a career out of selling the rest of your body parts." They turned to the rest of the girls. "Meet up at the office by 9 in the morning, okay? I'm driving."

Without waiting for an answer, they turned their heel and walked out the room, slamming the door behind them.

Mika walked up to Syuko and put a hand on her shoulder. "Y'know they're not actually serious. But yeah, don't do that."  


Syuko threw back her head and let out a deep groan.  


"It's my fuckin' body, why can't I do what I want with it?"  


"But it's not."  


Syuko and Mika turned around to find that the voice from behind them was Kanade's, cooly leaning against the mirrored wall with her arms crossed.  


"You're an idol now, Syuko. And to an idol, her fans are everything. Everything you do should be about thanking them. Your body belongs to _them_."  


Syuko wrinkled her nose. "Gross."  


"That makes us sound like whooooores!" piped in Frederica, still sprawled on the floor.  


"It's true," continued Kanade. "They'd want you in your best form... So that you can make up for all the ass you gotta haul for their sake. No more discussion."  


Mika looked back at Syuko, and shrugged. "Guess that's that. Seeya guys." She picked up her duffle bag and left. 

Shiki and Frederica also peeled themselves off the laminate floor. 

"Bai baaaaii." 

Shiki was the first out the door; just as soon as Frederica was also about to leave, she turned back around to grab her bag and jogged back out, laughing at herself as she did so. 

Finally, Kanade walked up to Syuko and put her hand on the small of Syuko's back. 

"My place?" 

\------------------------------------------------ 

"I mean, take out my whole damn uterus too. I sure as hell don't want kids or anything so might as well get rid of the thing. It'd be nice not having periods anymore, either." 

Kanade guided the shower head across the soap suds on Syuko's back as she listened to her rambling. "You don't like periods?" 

Syuko wrinkled her nose. "Oh hell no. Don't tell me you're some kind of psycho who does? Or what, you're one of the lucky ones? You get super light 'n' short ones? No cramps either, I bet? Tch. We aren't all so privileged, y'know." 

Kanade turned the dial and turned the shower off, leaving the two of them sitting in the steamy bathroom. Putting her hands on Syuko's shoulders and massaging gently, she continued. 

"It's not that I like my periods. But it's kind of a sign of my youth, isn't it? Sure it's a few painful days out of the month, but for as long as it happens regularly, then I'm still young and healthy. And I should try to revel in that. And take advantage of that." 

... 

"...Shut the fuck up, Kanade." 

\------------------------------------------------ 

Kanade opened her eyes to see Syuko next to her in her bed, sucking on a lollipop and mindlessly and continuously refreshing her inbox on her phone, thousands of emails both spam and important still left unread. 

Kanade rubbed her eyes groggily. "Why... In the world...." 

Syuko turned to Kanade and grinned. "Oh, hey. Mornin'." And immediately dropped her phone on her face. 

"Fuck." 

Kanade rolled over onto her stomach and propped herself up on her elbows. "Is that..." 

"Yeah," said Syuko, still loudly sucking on the candy. "Took it from your shorts. Sorry. Yui's always giving you this crap, right? You don't even like candy." Syuko sighed. "Must be nice having twelve girlfriends." 

Kanade swatted at Syuko's elbows. "Hey now." She watched as Syuko went back on her phone, this time opening a game of Candy Crush. For a few minutes, the only sound in the room was of the taps of Syuko's thumb on the screen as Kanade kept looking into her face, slowly feeling more awake. 

"Say," said Syuko, putting her phone down and staring up at the ceiling with her hands crossed across her chest. "All that talk about being young and all. Have you ever thought about what you're gonna do after all this? Like, idols all have an expiration date too, and by that time we'll still be young. What then?" 

Kanade raised an eyebrow. "Thinking about the future. That's so unlike you." She sighed. "I think I'll just cross that bridge when I get to it. I'd rather focus on giving my all at the moment." 

Still staring at the ceiling, Syuko took the lollipop out from her mouth and began waving it around. "I was thinkin', people like Natsuki and Ryo, they could easily still be musicians as careers. So lucky. Maybe I needa learn an instrument so they can squeeze me into the band." 

Kanade snorted. "Syuko Shiomi in a rock band, all clad in pleather and excessive eyeliner... I might be into that." 

"Right?!" 

"_Please_ be one of those members who specializes in something bizarre. Like the bongos or something." 

Before Syuko could wholeheartedly agree that she'd absolutely _slay_ the bongos, Kanade plucked the lollipop from her hand and stuck it into her own mouth. 

"Mmm, mango flavor, huh?" She giggled, watching disbelief and petty anger wash over Syuko's face.


End file.
